I sat in a Bible study with 20 or so women of all different ages who were doing a book study together. I meet one on one regularly with the woman who organizes the Bible study. As I introduced myself to the women I realized none went to the same church, were the same age, or were all connected in one way-- except by the women who organized the Bible study. As the study went on I continued to observe as each woman spoke of at some point in their lives where they met one on one with Joanne (the woman who leads the study) She had in some way pointed and led them to the healing and restoration Jesus offers to each of us. She knew so many details of each woman's life, and it was so evident they all trusted her. 

I was in shock. This one woman, Joanne, leads numerous Bible studies with about 20 or so women of all different ages, who have somehow all been referred to her or been counseled by her for a deep wound or tragedy that occurred in their life. 

How quickly we shuffle the idea that our own life can make a difference in such a way. I listened on the phone today as a friend shared of her boyfriend's brother who is in critical condition in the hospital, injured by other young men who physically hurt him. His parents are in sadness as to the thought of losing their son, his brother is in shock at the thought of losing his best friend, this young man's one life is precious to so many. 

Do we forget the preciousness of our own lives that God has given to us? 

I'm not a fan of Eminem but when I hear the song entitled, "Lose Yourself". I think of the gift of life God has given me. 

Here's a few of the lyrics, 

"Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything

you ever wanted, one moment would you capture it? Or just let it slip

The moment, youown it, you better never let it go You only get one shot, 

do not miss your chance to blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, "

Eminem speaks of his one opportunity of making it on stage, but the lyrics reference to me this one opportunity at life we are given, and the potential we all have to take the shot at capturing our opportunities around us. I'm not referring to opportunities such as living the "American Dream", money or careers, I'm talking about making a difference in the lives of those around us. Really living to love others. That is a once in a lifetime opportunity, are you capturing it?

Please say a prayer for this young man, his family, and his life. 

A madTV skit titled, "Bon qui quihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZkdcYlOn5M", plays out the story of a woman who is employed by King Burger, where as Bon qui qui states, " you can have it your way but don't get crazy." This skit is very comical as it portrays the main character, Bon qui qui and the customers she interacts with. In several scenes as the customers have different preferences and requests she continues to say, "security, security!" Her boss, Mr. Williams then enters the picture after security being called numerous times for customer's requests. Mr. Williams then states, "Bon qui qui this is the fifth time you've called security, now how many times do I have to tell you, you can not call security just cause somebody has a complicated order."

The skit leaves me thinking about how often I yell out for some form of security in times of my own complicated life circumstances or "orders". 

About 2 years ago this time I sat in Chiang Mai, Thailand tossing and turning over how little security there is in this world. I know find  myself wrestling with the same old similar thoughts. The dictionary attempts to define security in numerous ways such as: "the state of being free from danger or injury, freedom from anxiety or fear, and a guarantee that an obligation will be met." I don't know about you but those three make me roll my eyes, seriously who am I kidding to think any of these are within my control?

Back then my hands were in the air as a foreigner in another country feeling helpless much of the time, now today I sit in an all too familiar country once again realizing 

security does not rely on a location. 

Security does not rely on a job. 

Security does not rely on money. 

There is no security in this world. As a friend quickly reminded me the other evening there are no guarantees, it's sounds cold and inhumanly but it's shockingly  true. I don't know if you've ever walked away from something assuming it'd go one way after it goes the exact opposite, but it's in those moments that I'm reminded there are no guarantees. 

Maybe this is too depressing of truth for you. Well there's an upside, when your security lies in the only thing that is constant in this world. And when security lies in Him, the anxiousness, fear and urge to control don't disappear but begin to fade as our perspective on who God really is to us is challenged. 

I can't pretend to have this amazing faith, sometimes I think about the mustard seed and I wish that seed was a bit smaller, because my faith can shrink very quickly based on circumstances around me. 

I always come back to God though, He's the only Pappa I have that has never forgotten about me. 

(below a mustard seed)

Simply put I love to read other's blogs from those currently on the field to the alumni from the World Race. I am challenged and comforted as I read what God is teaching others and the similar seasons we all as believers go through at one time or another.

                                                                               

And just those simple thoughts can cloud our minds until we realize we are so angry in our present situation because we so badly want to know why everyone but our own situation seems to be cloud 9.

What happens what has been entrusted to us- situations, people, and experiences- is not what we had planned or imagined? And we are left disappointed and angry.

Being in the US now for about 5 months I have heard awesome stories of what friends are doing after the race- trips to Haiti, leading mission trips, beginning of graduate school, Spain G42 and the list goes on.  And there have been repeated times where I will walk away from a phone conversation and feel the green eyed monster take over.  I have become envious wondering why am I not called to _____? God why do I not get to be a part of _____?

I love music; there are songs that speak louder to me than some devotionals.  There is a song called Apple of His eye, in which the writer sings of Deuteronomy 32:10 *.

The apple of a human eye is the pupil. The pupil sits in the center part of the iris. It is the black part that is surrounded by the colored part of your eye (iris). The iris controls the amount of light that enters the pupil- allowing us to see clearly.

To understand how important his part of the eye is, I can just think of when I am outside and the wind is strongly blowing and debris and dirt is near my face I always shield my eyes first. I always protect my eyes.

When God says we are the pupil, the center part of his eye, He is saying we are so valuable to Him, that He will take care and watch over us. With our own human eyes it can be so painful when "To be the apple or pupil of God's eye means that He will preserve and take special care of us" **     

 God is never interested in us being comfortable, but He promises to care for us.

 "and when we get that see all jealousy, competing, looking over at Esau thinking if we dress ourselves up like him maybe we'll receive a blessing from our Father-is gone. All the jealousy that makes us not like someone else because it seems like they are getting a blessing-is gone. All of a sudden we are blessed just in our being"

Jason Upton

Just like you are- you are the apple of our Father's eye

How comforting to know when the green eyed envy monster rises up I can be confident that my present situation is right where I am supposed to be, because I am confident as the apple of God's eye He sees far more than I ever can.

* Deuteronomy 32:10 "In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye. "

** Merrill F. Unger

We have been staying at the Hylton's family farm during our time at Project Searchlight. They have 3 awesome children Brittany, Brooks & Bennett.

Each night we have been sharing stories of our testimonies of how we got on the Race and how God stirred in our hearts a passion to do something bigger than ourselves.

Tonight we listened to the story of the Hylton's and how God brought their family together & what He has been doing in their family over our stay here.

The Hylton Family

His daughter Brittany, who is 10 and the oldest, has always wanted a horse. It has been her dream for a few years of buying a horse. So each time she is given money for anything or paid for doing a chore she saves it to put towards her dream- a horse.

The other evening we had a call with AIM contact Miguel as he has been going over to Haiti, he shared with us what he has seen, and what God is doing there right now.

Brittany got to hear and learn with us all how real this disaster is with hearing stories of children, babies and families in ruins.

The story of Hannah and Samuel has been on my heart and in my thoughts for the past month. I was sharing with a couple of my friends how I cannot understand how Hannah let go of the one thing she had wanted so bad, how she gave it right back to God and still lived as if what she had wanted was fulfilled.

This morning as we worshipped the Lord together I was again reminded of the story by a brother in Christ. He shared how the story is all about God wanting Hannah's heart more than her desire for a child.

Hannah wanted a child and Israel needed a prophet.

Giving up our desires completely to God simply starts in our hearts being fully God's. 

Our obedience leads to a bigger picture of God drawing others to Himself.

My biggest pet peeve is when others are not being genuine.

Sometimes I sit and just talk with God and I become speechless. I want to say things but then I wonder if I room to say anything at all, I mean who am I to say anything? He's God. And I wonder if wrestling with God is telling him I don't trust him. Or is it me just being honest?

(Some of the children with MediKa Mamaba. Haiti Feb. 2009)

There are times when I feel that I should be saying, "I trust Him, and He holds the world in His hand" no matters the circumstance. But there are times when I just want to tell God that I don't understand, I am wrestling and chewing on a few things and I don't want to say the "Christian answer".

We can know his character and believe in who He is and still not understand. Recently I think about Haiti and the horrendous earthquake that just occurred killing an estimated 500,000 lives. I read a statement written by a friend saying, "Our security is not in what God is doing but in who He is." A family member responded saying the earthquake in Haiti is an example of why she doesn't believe in a God who could allow that to happen, and how it makes it that much easier for her with circumstances like the earthquake.

Raw honesty.

(Cannan Orphanage, Haiti February 2009)

God let us come with brutal honesty before you, because we are man and you are God. And we do not understand your ways nor your thoughts.

                It is hard to believe that about a year ago I was just a few hours outside of Porta Prince, Haiti. Once again I do not understand it all and maybe times like this make you more confused or wonder if God is really seeing all that happens. But please take 60 seconds and pray for Haiti.

So I've been learning a plethora of knowledge over the past 6 days and some of the most helpful information may come as a surprise.

(That's me as an otter, my good side)

I've been learning about how God wired ME. And I've come to realize that if we do not understand ourselves and our own strengths and weaknesses how can we begin to know what we were made for?

Aren't there days when the cycle of "life" becomes numbing instead of life giving? And then you begin to ask yourself, what is the point, what is my purpose on this earth?

I have realized that I am a very high otter (Treasure Tree book by John Trent) which means that I am very high paced and people oriented. I scored lowest on the golden retriever which means I do not adapt well with change. I scored second highest with the lion which means that I handle conflict in a fairly neutral way, when needed I confront and can be aggressive and other times I am more passive.

 So what is the point? If this is only temporary what am I to do? Because in the end our lives on earth are temporary and we are "here only for a moment" our lives are but a vapor.

"We are spiritual beings created for eternity having a temporary human experience. " Seth Barnes